THE TWILIGHT ZONE

No person with Epilepsy or Seizure disorders can remember the life that they have during the episodes, only the life before and the life after, which is the scariest part of finding out what happened again, and again, and again to the ones closest to us trying nothing other than to help, but sometimes the seizure was not able to be strong enough to take us out of the blue and can recall to what we saw and it is nothing short of life on the other side trying to affect us, that life is dark and grey full of horrible thoughts and feelings, something else that’s spinning the needle on the clock faster, quicker, with life reforming through time lapses, shapes and sizes constantly changing, which can only best be compared to

The Twilight Zone.

 It scares us to close both eyes when we get tired during the day and night because we get trapped and trampled on the life that is not here but there, in another world full of pain and hatred, a world where we are all alone finding ourselves fighting to escape, fighting to stay alive, fighting to be saved in a world that does not exist but only within ourselves, or possibly did in the past that are the thoughts of nothing short of crazy that no one else will ever understand besides the face of fear and terror that lurks within, like

The Twilight Zone.

Every single minute of my life I am frightened by one thing and one thing only, this other life-form that is lurking inside and apparently trying to find a way out, or just another way of being mortified by the Demon inside to the Demon on the outside that wants nothing less to do then to hurt others blind-sided in the view of contact and defense in the most painful way possible with tables flipping, chairs thrown across rooms smashing against walls and breaking windows, and then we find ourselves out in the open while humanity begins to sink in again, hiding behind cars and trees siting as we begin to wonder about what just happened back there and the worst is that you find yourself to scared to return, like being warped in

 The Twilight Zone.

A seizure can stop you from breathing, locking your jaw shut with people right in front of you noticing nothing, you can’t yell or cry for help, you cannot move the body at all while suffocating, and you are there, you are just there trying your hardest to get someone, anyone’s attention, before Death becomes of it and then your hands become free, your arms aren’t locked down anymore as you begin to slap your hands together harder and harder until heads start appearing asking “What was the matter?” because who else in the room besides yourself can tell that you weren’t breathing, suffocating inside but looking totally normal on the outside, and finally at that moment, when the seizure releases us can we begin to breathe again just as everybody else turns back around as if nothing strange ever happened to going on with their normal everyday lives just as we stay, worried about when the problem will occur again because this wasn’t the first time, and for sure that it won’t be the last time of being suffocating in

 The Twilight Zone.

 Then we get the recollection in other people’s eyes with the usual “Look, he’s fine” attitude when the word Fine needs a new definition for epileptics, just because we may look fine, act fine, read and write fine, some of us are the furthest thing away from being just Fine, and unfortunately nobody will see the world that we are locked into, nothing even remotely close to being too Fine, and without the right help, Finished would be a better word then

FINE: Finding Insurance Neglects Epileptics

What a Fine way to live a positive life but without a job, without a career, without being able to finish school, without a state license, without being able to pay a bill, and without a home, being thrown out onto the street with a pair of pants and a shirt in the middle of the winter, poor and alone your entire life, and don’t think of me of being anything less than all of the above, worrying about every penny on disability, poor and lonely in

The Twilight Zone.

 We know these things because most of us have experienced these issues throughout our lives, and maybe just once, but that doesn’t mean that it never happened, and the things that do happen that we cannot recall are much worse then what we can or what we are told with the looks of frustration and disappointment, like most recently and accidentally destroying in home bathroom toilets bolls and water tanks by doing nothing wrong, but sitting and finishing when all of a sudden you find yourself sitting across the room, all that we see in our points of view are fragments on the ground, some much bigger than others, while staring at the face of others scared and tormented yet staring back at us, knowing that there is nothing to say because there is no one to blame than the Demon inside and 2yrs ago when I was lying on my deathbed in NYU suffering from an on-going amount of Grand Mals, but then amazingly back home two weeks later with the one and only problem gone ever since, something that I Thank God for always and forever. I asked my mother when I returned of what she saw in me since she was one of the lucky ones in the room at that time, along with my father, my brother, my wife and a room full of what seemed to be of helpless doctors and nurses and then she said that it looked like the Hulk, Thor and Wolverine appeared and that when I asked her again on how did it all end, she said that it had just stopped and the severity has never returned since, nor should it, in

The Twilight Zone.

On August 6th of this year, still with a broken leg but out of the hard cast an into a secure metal boot for some limited walking, keeping it therapeutic, a 6p.m. at a High School/College/21st Birthday graduation/Internship celebration for my two genius cousins which was nothing short of an actual wedding party without the overwhelming lights and music which is something I am sad to say that I will never be returning to, a casino night of Living Hell for Epileptics, so, with that said, it was a beautiful night in New York, something that Mother Nature has been quite confused about, as the rest of the world can tell, the party was more then I’m sure everyone else expected it to be, as the food was delivered table to table it seemed that nobody knew what to leave without enjoying all of it, the salads came out and I was having fun until everyone else stopped having fun, all eyes on me, and once again nobody knew what to expect until I got up, faked the issue that I needed to go to the restroom just to have some peace and quiet for a moment, so, I walked down 20 steps with no issues behind a door of no emotions, for 10minutes I gave everyone time to turn around and continue, my brother Michael was with me at the time when we came to the landing and told him to just stay, you do realize that a restroom was not needed right, just some room to rest, and he understood as we continued back up 20 steps we went to my table spot of food, and utensils pushed back from anything that may of happened but didn’t by my wife, Michelle, who at 10:30pm drove us back home and we just may have been singing along with Bon Jovi music on another nice night out of having fun with family and new friends, at 11:30 it was flipped over from fun to “F…” when I found myself once again down on the floor of our home bathroom crunched against a wall, face first to the radiator that could have done something much worse than nothing, with the foot of my recently repaired leg now in unlucky view to luckily no pain, not broken from myself not thinking straight to comparing the fun night to a movie to a show besides thinking about myself which could have led to much worse of an incident had not Michelle of been right by my side, always watching over me keeping my surroundings safe to help me up off the ground, safe and steady, seated while checking for any major issue that would need medical attention but did not, not a band aid or ice pack was needed, not waking up with another needle in my arm because I have my wife as my own personal medical assistant as she reminded me of a great quote “When everything seems to be going right is when things will go wrong” especially in

The Twilight Zone.  

 I am not scared of life, I do not worry about traveling and being attacked by crazy acts of terrorism when the real Demon lurks within, so, I do not worry about pain and suffering because it has already been handed down to me more than any human should bear, but I would not hand this life over to my worst enemy if I ever had the choice to, I do not neglect my life do to personal issues and nor should you, the stone that was handed down to me I hold against with Pride, for I have found a way to live with it, to fix it without putting the burden of this life onto any other person, and I do the things that I want to do without taking the unnecessary questions of “If”, ”And” or “But”, to live my life to my potential without the stress from individuals arguments out of other people’s problems which hold no bearing on me to be concerned about, sometimes confused, but never concerned because Epilepsy was not my choice, nor was many other major issues in life, which is why it is

Time to Make a Difference,

Time for a Change,
Time to Take a Stand,
Time to Better the Lives of
the Sick and the Suffering because
no one should ever be Trapped in...

The Twilight Zone

THE POWERS THAT DRIVE

For the person or persons in one’s life that makes us, not uses us for their own benefits, but rather for our capabilities, our own resources, prosperity and power to drive us to overcome our obstacles in life, and the obstacles of other lives in the process.

I have been gifted my entire life with many family members who taught me the ins & outs and the rights & wrongs when the help was needed to drive me to accomplish many of life’s problems, aside from school.

School was good, and expensive, but a mathematician I was not, not then and not now, but school can’t teach you everything that you need to see firsthand on how to drive yourself for greater things in life.

And I did, but my epilepsy kept me away, always, to do more for others as they were driven to do for me. So let’s flash forward 27 years since I was ten, to June 7th, 2017, on an anniversary road trip to Portland, Maine.

(Note: A trip that I will share with you soon)

At 7a.m. after the bellhop had our luggage, which was way too much as always, on that very last minute leaving the hotel room, a broken right leg occurred caused by seizures in both a bad time and place. This should not drive you into certain circumstances that is out of your control or fault, but the pain remained, thriving since then having to walk on a broken leg while grasping the wall in a Hotel with long hallways and to stand and hold my ground, waiting for the valeted car to arrive.

And some of us take it as a test; a test from The Lord to see just how strong we are and in all actuality, it is the drive that keeps us waking up every morning, always expecting THAT day to be better than the last.

And June 7th was no different, having to hold my leg up with both hands on our entire 5 hour road trip of hills and bumps, hi-way traffic and street traffic back to New York, keeping the pressure off my leg, never to touch the ground. I had the strength and power to drive myself to do such a thing, so, I used it to the best of my capabilities.

A broken leg is sometimes just a broken leg, and we are not gods, but we are God’s creatures and children, so, we drive ourselves to find ways to better the condition that was handed down to us, and so, a double layered fiber glass cast was ordered by my doctor due to the matter of epilepsy, our best of two options which was first that surgery with a steel bar and screws would be more painful to a person suffering from falling issues.

We make choices on how to cooperate with the issue at hand to show others the way we live with what we must use to get by day after day, night after night to drive us to do good for others rather than yourself alone.

My doctor gave me some insight which is that every one pound of body weight is ten pounds on your ankles, meaning that my body weight x ten is 2,100 pounds of pressure and with all that, I have kept myself in shape so that that would have never of been an issue normally.

On crutches, in and out of wheelchairs, and on scooters lifting one leg up while the rest of you rolls yourself around homes and city streets, we find ways to recuperate by the drive that is given to us to wait as long as it takes to get the job done.

We must never forget the sacrifices that others do for us, family or friends, that gives to you all the help that they can offer to keep you in check day by day, and sometimes a bit too much before they get hurt from things they do, like straining muscles bringing your things from one place to another. This should give you just one realization - the power that drives THEM.

Depending on the severity, the problem can take up to 6- 8 weeks, 6 months to a year and then some on the recovery process, especially if the problem keeps occurring, and for an epileptic like myself, whose issues won’t falter, there is one thing that keeps me in check every day, which is

My Power to Drive to do better things for the lives of others!

EPILEPTIUM: Epilepsy and Adamantium

Speaking about Heroism to my younger readers, adults as well.

Epilepsy is a real thing,

Seizures are a real thing,

Adamantium is not a real thing, but it is something that we can refer to.

Adamantium is the regenerating metal that was put into Wolverine’s/Logan’s body by Sargent Stryker, who was his tenth experiment on mutants. Wolverine was worked on behind Professor Xavier’s back, creator of the X-Men in a school for gifted students, which were all mutants.

We have a neurological disorder and apparently so do mutants when referring to the movie LOGAN, Xavier’s seizures are so powerful that not only will he destroy himself, but the rest of the world too.

(NOTE: LOGAN is not for children or older parents)

We are not ready to be a mutant nor do we want to be, so we find ways of how to fight and win our own battles.

And the ones that do, the ones that can pop up and wipe their shoulders off after a fall from doing nothing but following orders, like Wolverine’s heroism, is something that the person in need of a hero may want to follow.

Just don’t expect to have 6 metal claws come out of your knuckles. As Logan says in X-Men played by Hugh Jackman when asked by a young Rogue, played by Anna Paquin, that releasing his claws “hurts every time”, just like Epileptium.

Epileptiums usually don’t remember the damage that they did or did not do. So, we wait until later in front of mirrors to see what had happened or what we are told by others with the marks, scars, black and blues that are pointed out to us.

Epileptiums just throw the pain aside and wait for the healing process to begin.

Think about the years and years of life’s struggles from Epilepsy and the way that we recover from seizures; sometimes without even knowing that there was a problem at all.

So, we think of Adamantium and compare it to how strong our bones, skulls and bodies are and we wonder that just maybe

Epileptium does exist!