What It Means to Have Epileptic Falls

There is a powerful letter by Paul to the Colossians 2 named Christ in Us, read it please because it makes perfect sense for all of us. 

Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ on behalf of his body, which is the church, of which I am a minister in accordance with God’s stewardship given to me to bring to completion for you the word of God, the mystery hidden from ages and from generations past. But now it has been manifested to his holy ones, to whom God chose to make known the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; it is Christ in you, the hope for glory. It is he whom we proclaim, admonishing everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. For this I labor and struggle, in accord with the exercise of his power working within me.  

I feel that I must get back into my story mainly because every day is a living nightmare and I don’t know how many more falls one human body can take no matter the size or strength. I’m just lucky that so far I haven’t hurt anyone but if I do by accident, it is not planned, and  I don’t know how I could live with myself. Everyone wants to play superman, especially the older ones but I tell them all the time just let me fall, I’ll get back up, you on the other hand, won’t. Every day I get to bed I ask Michelle sometimes how much death frightens you, I say everyday if I do get into bed, I don’t know if I’ll awaken. She says that she worries about me all the time as do I about her and maybe more.  

My falls that attack me are awkwardly Evil! I do not know the reason, have no recollection of when, why or what happened such as this past Tuesday. I woke up feeling strange and tired as always but hurt my back by dropping straight down on the side of my bed leaving a mark, but that was nothing, I have had that fall I can say hundreds of times already either straight down, forward on my face or back, the most common and painful. But this fall, as has happened before and not my worst ever - meaning I should have died four years ago (will be a future blog).

This one had thrown my body back onto the floor against walls both left, right and behind which would have cracked anyone’s else’s neck or put them into a wheelchair. Possibly paralyzed for life breaking my spine from falling six feet from the ground. I was down, laying in a position of death, not moving, just in an awkward position with my father and grandmother standing there just waiting for me to rise. I laid there almost in a coma, I fell so hard I had pain shocking my entire body, but then my eyes opened and I knew that this was my mistake, my idiotic reason for not closing the door behind me because I had been feeling so well but that is not something to take advantage of when you’re an Epileptic. So I put my hands onto the floor, pushed myself up and grabbed the door entrance and stood. I started to walk to the family room fifty feet from the bathroom. I sat on the couch, whiplashed everywhere, but I was more concerned about my broad shoulders more than my head because they were in the worst pain down to my fingers and I thought I had broken a bone somewhere, but I was still able to move my arms around. Anybody would have known if they broke something. I was in so much pain I just wanted my wife back from the city so that I could get my shirt off that felt like blood and bruises underneath and check all my wounds. When I got back home, I did not care what time it was, I wanted my shirt off, checked out and in bed. Amazingly I had not a scratch on me, but the one from the morning. The next day in that same bathroom-I walked in, closed the door behind me, strapped on my helmet on I have there under the sink, did my business and yet after flushing and refilling with clean water,  I fell again! This time to the side finding my right elbow sunk into the toilet bowl. Nothing else but my knees went down to the floor, but was fine again so if you wonder if falls hurt I can assure you they do very badly-for me every fall I have come out of, from the deadliest to most common unfortunately, but how long will this be able to happen? I believe by the hand of God to lift me off the floor or back to life. If you ask doctors if I should be dead they can assure you, but I’m still here. I am Roman Catholic and a strong believer that Jesus Christ exists as well as angels and saints. I fear that they will find a cure for Epilepsy, but it will be just after my time is up.

I wish that I could say that this bathroom is cursed but this happens everywhere every day from shower to sink and everything else in between. In August from falling forward down in the kitchen trying to make a coffee like I had done a thousand times already, I came an inch away from slicing my face open on my right side from the kitchen cabinet furniture boards. I hear my grandmother talking and Anthony telling her to shut-up and wait. Then my eyes opened directly next to the cabinets five feet from where I was just standing. I had gotten frightened, turned myself over and raised myself up again and looked for any cuts or bruises, but luckily I didn't find any. I have not prepared anything in that spot ever since.            

Like I had said many times over falling may cause me pain to my neck with whiplash even by tumbling off of a couch on my left side of my head onto my parents wooden floor and back up to normal the next minute without any recollection, just by my father looking at me smiling, “Did you have a nice fall”. I said back are you serious, again, feeling my head, where I asked, “Oh right there on your head”. If he only knew a third of my falls I’d be surprised. The Thursday before when Michelle and I were about to go on an important meeting in the city when I had thrown myself off of my couch with Michelle there sitting with me, but I did wake up on the floor so this time I did not need to be told what had happened, could figure it up for myself. Well at least it gave me a nice mark on the left side of my forehead which is the first time that has happened. It was not necessary, I had enough proof already of the seriousness of my condition. The week prior to that one I threw myself off of our bed in the middle of the night, a fall that hurt like hell onto a rug so for a two weeks after Michelle laid a body pillow on the floor in case it happened again until I told her that it was enough. I have fallen off enough chairs always to my right side and even broken a few as well by throwing my body back on them from sitting and seizing and my legs doing the rest of the work.  

I have images of cuts, rug burns and plenty of bruises I do not wish to share at this time, one fall gave me so many slashes on my back I looked like Jesus Christ getting pwith chains and the weird thing is that I do not recall how I got them. I will share these images when the time is right but I am deathly afraid of every one of these Epileptic Falls!